Creating Unintentional Struggles

So I'm feeling better. I just want to establish that, cos the last time I posted about my surgery is that I was actually honestly still feeling like death itself. Now though, I still feel like death, but mostly because my deadline is near and I'm still procrastinating.

I've been really distracted the past week because I was recently diagnosed with dermoid cyst which was found on my right ovary. It was definitely one of the most trying experiences of my life. I initially didn't want to share this because I feel like it can dampen the mood for some reason, and also the sole reason why I didn't want to talk about it until I was already lined up for surgery. But, I do know that it is my goal to let women know this could happen to them, too. So I guess I'm here for a.... STORY TIME! lol

I think it's time to talk about what the heck was I doing the whole time EXO was on hiatus, and ironically, one of those is starting this blog lol. I'm typing this post right now because EXO's not keeping me busy, so might as well just enumerate what kept me busy for the past year and 2-3 months since their last comeback. As some of you may know, me and a couple of EXO-L friends flew to Korea last year to attend some of EXO's promotion activities for Kokobop. It was the usual overnighting for music shows, stressing over requirements, failing mellimpic tryouts.. (which reminds me that I probably will post something like a guideline on how to go to music shows for EXO yet again since my past entry about that was long gone). When Power came out, we were in Thailand, streaming EXO songs, so basically you can say my schedule's been defined by EXO's promotional schedules lol. But since they have decided to do individual promotions, I've also lived my perso

I was sitting at Tim Hortons (like I always do every week) when I realized I should probably make a long post about the current situation I put myself into. Is my tweet poorly worded? I generally don't really care as much whenever I get bombarded with hate asks and/or accusations about my age, fandom choices, or even about how I look. I still don't feel any sort of anger or hatred towards anyone, I just chose not to feel any of it anymore. However, since a lot of you misunderstood what I meant, and some of you who haven't liked me from the beginning anyway and decided to dig my immature, smh-worthy tweets, I felt like I should make a post about everything surrounding it.

So I haven't posted here in months, and it has a lot to do with how busy I was, my two overseas trips last month, and on top of that, I've been dealing with so many personal and emotional issues which, incidentally, and to those who wants a good gossip, will be talked about on this blog entry. So sit back, get a popcorn, let me just give you a tea.

Honestly, I shouldn't even be writing on my blog right now, I should be focusing on reserving Airbnb and pocket wifi for my upcoming 15-hour trip in less than 2 weeks lol. But I felt like I needed a breath of fresh air. So pardon this post, I shall be talking about my personal life.

A lot of you guys actually have asked me to write about how to be an adult. I actually think my friend Anna has a better grasp in being an adult than any person I know lol. I also gotta be honest, I am in my late 20's and I barely know anything about it. I'm still out there, bumping into things, still not knowing what to do. They never really taught you how to be an adult back in school. I was never told that I have to deal with taxes, that I had to learn about downpayments on rent will not be refunded if you move out less than a year, and nobody ever told me that paying bills would suck so bad, and sometimes you actually have to sacrifice half a month's salary just to pay everything. I think I want to write this post just to give everyone an idea on what to expect if you move out of your house and have no one to expect but yourself. Well, I mean I will try my best to give some advice, most of which I wish I would have done. Here we go.

So I feel like I haven't been tweeting a lot these days (except to maybe talk about NielWink or OngHwang fics). I've been open about the mental issues that I've been going through, and although I keep it on the lowkey with the people in my life, except to people I'm close with, I opened this blog to serve as a platform to publicly talk about it. So I guess this is a bit of an update with what's been going on with me lately.

I have a really close friend back in elementary that I still kept in contact until now. We talk about the most random of things, and on one of our phone calls (he was studying in London then), we touched on the subject of advocacies. He was so passionate about his love for the environment, his passion to help the children in the country be educated. I was in awe and was struck in silence with how happy he sounded while talking about his advocacy, something he feels very passionate about. He, in turn, asked me, "what's your advocacy?" and I was taken aback. Flustered, I mainly said that I want to help old people (which is not a lie, I do have a soft heart for old people). Then I said to him truthfully, "I actually don't know what my advocacy is.." and he responded with, "well you have to feel passionate over something." And that moment I knew that I have to find what I am passionate about (aside from EXO that is.) factretriever

In lieu of being accused of dropping EXO and leaving them for another group I also happen to like (for the nth time for the past 6 years), I decided I am listing the reasons why I am grateful to my inspiration and my pride, EXO, cos well, why the hell not right?

Seeing as this won the poll , I'm guessing we all go through the same thing everyday. Where to begin really.. As everyone knows, speaking about inner battles, or whatever goes through our heads, is not the easiest thing to do especially in public. We go through our day as normally as possible, even if we have so many things clouding our minds and most of the time we come out of it unscathed. I want to start this entry by saying, you've done so well.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" ahh the question that you never thought would define you as a person when you become an actual adult. I used to find it easy to answer it, "a writer," I always say. I love writing, I thought it is one thing I excelled on. So let me tell you the two times my dreams of being a writer have been crushed.

The biggest problem is the uterus; it's something that's been bugging me ever since I became aware of my gender. I first got my period when I was around 13 years old, and since then, people around me have been joking about how I can get pregnant now and that I should be weary of men now that I have the ability to create a human being. Point taken. What sets us apart from men is that we can bear a child, and that's precisely why I also hate being a woman.

After several failed attempts of creating blogs, and multiple blogs I made when I was a teenager (which I am still and will forever be so embarrassed about) I have decided to go back to starting a blog... again. I feel like Twitter is a good outlet of random thoughts in my head but sometimes I have thoughts in my head that don't necessarily fit even the additional number of letters allowed on the blue bird.